A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Enjoy the penises
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize