yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
