I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
