im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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