He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
