dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize