i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
