I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So much rum. So many feels.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
