It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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