Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
