She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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