You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
