at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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