About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
