No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
