STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
