My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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