Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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