my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just found a bag of teeth...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
