I didn't shave. On purpose
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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