Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
pray to the hookup gods
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
