Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
