So drunk its hurt
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
