The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
