We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if only i could text you this smell
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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