Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My vagina is officially offended.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
