Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
