Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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