who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
