is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
