I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
