I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
