Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
