battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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