it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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