you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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