i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
