im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
