What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
