So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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