I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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