If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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