my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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