Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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