We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize