Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
