It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
