so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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