Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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