He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
