She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
