watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
