My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
