With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
