Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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