I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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