Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
