you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
