is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
