woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
