I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet he comes in French.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
