my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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