so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
