You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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