I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
