were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
