Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
