Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have surprise drugs for everyone
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
