I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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