Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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