I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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