Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
