Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize