And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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