i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
