His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
