i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
