spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
