We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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