I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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