Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
These tits shall not be calmed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
