Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
