Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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