She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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