it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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