i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
