i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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