I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
