Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
