I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
