wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
