Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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