Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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