the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
