I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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