Four minutes until I can fart!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
