no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
